FFfAW: Waiting

Posted on by Louise Bunting

This post if for the Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers (FFfAW) Challenge, run by Priceless Joy. The challenge is that you write a story of 75-175 words inspired by the photo prompt below. I hope you like it.

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Photo prompt – Dawn M. Miller

Waiting

Sophia’s first experience of wind chimes was one of Debbie’s fondest memories. Her daughter had been a toddler, exploring her grandparent’s garden, when the wind set the ornaments into song. She’d stared, eyes wide, before releasing peals of joyous laughter, her pudgy hands clapping as she insisted they, “play again!” The wind had kindly obliged.

Now, seventeen years later, Debbie liked to believe her daughter was happy, sitting on the veranda with sweetly chiming notes playing beside her. In truth, she probably wasn’t even aware of them.

Sophia lived her days as if lost in a dream: her eyes vacant, gaze distant. She ate when food was placed in her hands; she slept when she was tired. Occasionally she moved, ghostly silent, around the room.

Debbie would talk to her, passing on family news and gossip. Occasionally she’d scream and shout, shaking her daughter’s unresponsive shoulders and demanding she awaken. Like today.

She hadn’t expected a response.

“Waiting,” Sophia breathed. Though lucidity quickly fled it was enough to give Debbie hope.

But… waiting for what?

Word Count: 175

To check out other entries or to add your own, click on the little blue frog.

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32 thoughts on “FFfAW: Waiting”

  1. Ouch – poor Debbie. And the story started out so lovely. You captured that pure joy perfectly (but then I suspect you get to observe a lot of it…) – it makes a stark contrast to Sophie’s current state. I wonder what happened to her, and what she’s waiting for. Great writing!

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    1. Thank you, Sonya. I definitely see a lot of happy children. 🙂 I’m glad the contrast works – that was one of the main things I was aiming for. I originally included more about what she’s waiting for but had to cut it out to get down to the word limit!

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    1. I thought about adding a bit of an alien twist, or maybe fae, but in the end I thought I’d just leave it open… Thanks for visiting. 🙂

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  4. Well written. I loved the description of Sophia’s joy at hearing the wind chimes sing. So sad that she ended up like that at the end and I too am wondering what she’s waiting for.

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    1. Thank you. 🙂 I wanted to create a real contrast between how she was then and how she is now. I’m glad you liked it! I’m currently thinking I may write a companion piece that explores the reason for her ‘wait’…

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  5. Excellent writing Louise. It is so sad how Sophia was at the end. Makes me want to know more about her story. What is she waiting for? And, why is she waiting? So many questions yet you said so much in such a few words. I can feel Debbie’s exasperation over the situation with her daughter.

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    1. Thank you, PJ. I used the whole of the 175 word limit as it was! I’m thinking about maybe writing a companion piece that looks at the reason for the wait, but I need to think about that some more first. 🙂

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  6. Pingback: Friday Fictioneers: The Summoning | The Storyteller's Abode

    1. Definitely sad – everything happening is probably hardest on her mother. My Friday Fictioneers story gives a little more information on events… Thanks for visiting. 🙂

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    1. Things are a little more mysterious than an accident… My Friday Fictioneers story gives a little more information and I’ll probably be writing a third part sometime as well. Thanks for visiting. 🙂

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  11. I am definitely intrigued as to what happened to Sophie. On the bright side, at least she has a mother who is strong enough to never lose hope.
    Wonderfully written.

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  12. Such a sad, yet hopeful story. Maybe Sophia is waiting to return from the world she is in now. I’d like to, for Debbie’s sake, hope this is true.
    You have really pulled at my heart-strings.

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    1. I’m glad you enjoyed it, Phylor. While you’re welcome to read this as a standalone, my Friday Fictioneers story is a companion piece and does add a little more… 🙂

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  14. Well written! I love how you took us from h childhood to now, 17 years in just a few words. When I saw waitin, I thought maybe she’s waiting for things to be better 🙂

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