Monday’s Finish the Story: Predator

This is my entry into this week’s Monday’s Finish the Story flash fiction challenge run by Barbara Beacham. This challenge gives you a picture and an opening sentence and asks that you finish the story within 100-150 words. The opening sentence is given in italics. Click the link above to check out some of the other entries.

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She was unaware that she was being watched.

His gaze followed her as she went about her day, oblivious to his presence on the fringes of her life. He was there on the bus she rode to work, on the neighbouring table as she ate her lunch, outside her house each night. He drank in the sight of the soft curves that, soon, he would possess. Anticipatory thoughts filled his mind: of sinking his teeth into succulent flesh, of ripping and tearing and savouring the blood that filled his mouth. The expectation was almost as enjoyable as the act.

Soon… So soon…

For he was the wolf and she his prey.

DCI Martins frowned, shifting his attention between the photographs. “Sergeant, pull up that footage from the night Carrie Thompson was killed.”

There he was again. Finally, a link between the murders. They had him! Now they just had to catch him before the psychopath struck yet again.

Word Count: 150

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14 thoughts on “Monday’s Finish the Story: Predator

  1. Ooh, creepy and gruesome. I hope they catch him.
    I was actually about to comment when I saw more written under the asterisks – your story could have ended there just as easily!
    Great story 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Good story! You engaged me from the beginning. I would like to make two minor suggestions: 1) Take out the last sentence before the separation. You do not need it. The “Soon… So soon…” says it much better and your reader will know what you mean. 2) Remove the asterisk separation as it is distracting. If you go straight to the “DCI …” your reader will get it and it will add punch. Anyhow, I thoroughly liked the story. It made me want to look over my shoulder.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your insightful comment and feedback. I appreciate it. 🙂 That asterisk separation has actually come and gone several times since this post went up! I couldn’t decide whether I liked it there or not. I’ll probably now take it out again. The final line of the first section…. I’m probably just being a little precious over it as it’s the first line I wrote and the one I built the whole story around, but I’m afraid I like it there. I think it does actually add a certain element to the killer’s character profile that isn’t expressed in the preceding section – he views himself as ‘the wolf’, as a natural predator and a part of the cycle of life and death. Thanks for reading.

      Liked by 1 person

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