FFfAW: Worth the Risk

Posted on by Louise Bunting

This post is for both the Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers (FFfAW) Challenge, run by Priceless Joy and last week’s Tale Weaver prompt from MindLoveMisery’s Menagerie.  The FFfAW challenge is that you write a story of 75-175 words inspired by the photo prompt below. The Tale Weaver prompt is the sending of an SOS. I hope you like it.

Photo Prompt - from Pixabay
Photo Prompt – from Pixabay

Worth the Risk

Casey froze, her heart racing as the opening door shrieked disapproval. She held her breath, clutching the crumpled paper close. Please, please don’t wake up, she silently begged.

When the old man’s snores continued to drone, she relaxed and continued outside.

Responsibility weighed heavily upon her. If he woke up and caught her, everything would be lost. She knew it was a risk – knew the consequences were she caught – but the little ones’ teary eyes and hollow cheeks had become too much to bear.

Tomorrow the truck would be sold to someone in the distant town. As she slipped the note beneath the seat she prayed the new owner would find it. This was their only hope of rescue.

Casey was almost back to the bare room she shared with the other children when she registered the silence. His flabby figure loomed over her.

“Why the hell are you up?” he demanded, heavy hand knocking her to the floor.

When the police knocked on the door two days later, she smiled. Every bruise had been worth it.

Word Count: 175

I’d originally intended to write this from the viewpoint of the character finding Casey’s message in the truck but I just couldn’t get it to work! Even this version of the story has been a nightmare to fit into 175 words. I’m still not entirely happy with it but without having an extra 100 or so words I don’t think I can make it work any better.

To read the other entries, click the little blue frog!

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34 thoughts on “FFfAW: Worth the Risk”

  2. Oh how horrible. The only way she could save herself and the other children was by leaving a note in the car. What a slim possibility someone would find the note. Glad they did though. Great story.

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    1. Thank you, PJ. 🙂 I’m glad you liked it. I was tempted to give it a very dark ending (Casey’s body being found by the police) but I decided to be nice in the end!

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  5. I admire the effort and endurance you put in to get the story the way you like it. Your flash fiction is a neat package to unpack for a longer story if you feel in the mood. I need to write more flashes. I nominated you for the 3 Day Quote challenge. I quoted Chuck Palahnuik, Neil Gaiman, and Susan Strauss on story telling and writing. I think it’s a great fit for your collection of stories. Here’s the link.
    https://skybluedaze.wordpress.com/2016/02/04/novel-writing/

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    1. Thanks. I enjoy writing flash fiction but sometimes it does take quite a while to wrestle them into shape! I’ve been described as a perfectionist far too many times! I’ve already been nominated for the 3 Quote challenge by someone else so I’m happy to accept the nomination. 🙂

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      1. This challenge is obviously meant for you, then. One thing blogging has done for me is to get me to write and post more rapidly. But some writing deserves the time to slow down and get it perfect. It’s all good practice. Writing less is hard to do.

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    1. Thank you very much! I’m glad you enjoyed it. 🙂 Sorry for the delay in replying – your comment was caught by the spam filters for some bizarre reason.

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  7. Very good story! I can understand why she felt the bruises were worth it..and her and the children were fortunate that the new owner of the vehicle found her note and called the police.

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    1. Thank you, Jessie. 🙂 She was very lucky! The note could have easily been left undiscovered or dismissed as a childish game. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

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  8. You did an excellent job in very few words! Doesn’t seem like any are missing or needed.
    A perfect SOS story, and a very imaginative use of FFfAW car prompt!
    Thanks for participating in Tale Weavers. Really enjoyed the tale you wove.

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  9. Great story! My heart was in my mouth as I started reading that last sentence – I felt sure when the police turned up they were going to find only bodies. Thanks for a happier ending 🙂

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    1. I originally had him lock her in the cupboard after he caught her and the police finding her body when they arrive several days later. I decided to be nice, though. 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed it.

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  10. Oh wow I’m actually amazed at how much you fit into those few words! I like slice-of-life stories like these where a lot is left to imagination. Wonderful story Louise!

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  12. This is a great story, vividly told, but I can see why you felt you needed just a few more words. Some stories are like that 🙂 The last sentence gets right to the point, and is a really good ending, but maybe a touch of suspense between it and the preceding para? I’m useless at flash fiction so it’s easy for me to say, but perhaps something that conveys that tiny shred of hope (either hanging in there or dying) between the onslaught of blows. Hard to pull off in a few words, though I bet you can do it. And you might also be able to prune words from the foregoing? In any event, this definitely could grow into a suspenseful short story. You could interweave viewpoints between Casey and the message finder.

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    1. Thank you for visiting and commenting. Sorry for the delay in replying – I’ve been really rubbish at keeping on top of the blog lately. :s There are several bits of the story I’d like to add to but the 175 word limit is very restrictive. It was over 250 words at first and I had to cut a lot out – including a bridging scene with Casey locked in the cupboard, waiting and hoping that her message reached someone. I’m currently working on putting together a collection of flash fiction / short stories to sell on Amazon and I plan to lengthen a lot of the stories I’ve posted on the blog. This one in a longer form will almost certainly be included. Thanks again. 🙂

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  13. It’s a great little flash of the story as it is. But I understand, some times the story begs to be told in more than 100 words and it’s so hard to leave out the rest!

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    1. I’m glad you like it, Jacqueline. I’m actually putting together a collection of flash fiction / short stories that I’m hoping to get up on Amazon later this year. Many of the stories I’ve written for my blog will be included but in extended forms. This story will almost certainly be included! Thanks for visiting. 🙂

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