MftS: Whispers

Posted on by Louise Bunting

Here’s this week’s entry into Monday’s Finish the Story flash fiction challenge, run by Barbara W. Beacham. This challenge gives you a picture prompt and the first line and asks that you finish the story in 100-150 words. The given line is in italics. This week’s opening line was provided by Eric Wickland of Momusnews.

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Whispers

At first, it looked like an ordinary marble, but it was far from it.

Unfortunately, Allie didn’t realise that until much too late.

But then, it was always too late. She was captivated from the second she saw it glinting in the dirt. No awareness of its danger could have stopped her slipping it into her pocket.

That night the voices began to whisper. They were quiet at first, masquerading as stray wisps of thought but steadily they grew louder, wearing at her mind until their malicious opinions drowned her own.

Her life shattered into fragments, stained with blood and fear.

It wasn’t until three days later, as Allie numbly emptied her pockets onto the custody sergeant’s desk, that she made the connection. The marble glinted unnaturally, light shifting into leering faces. The voices were finally silenced as she was led away to the cells.

She tried to warn them.

No one would listen to the ravings of a madwoman who’d murdered her family.

Word Count: 150

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To read other entries or to submit your own, click the little blue frog.

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42 thoughts on “MftS: Whispers”

  2. I read this three times and each time, it made my heart even harder and the hair on the back of my neck stand up more. It’s such a chilling and exciting tale!

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      1. It is funny the way the words sometimes pour out of our minds, through our fingers, onto the keyboard and into a document. I love story telling! 🙂

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  7. Wow, I wonder if she was mad before she found the marble or if the marble made her mad! Quite chilling ending! Excellent story and writing Louise!

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  9. Letting the dark side out once and a while is a good thing. Sometimes prompts do take on lives of their own. I know I’ve started one sort of story, but it turns into something much darker and deadly than I supposed.
    If you write in this genre from time to time, you might be interested where that path may take you.
    Thoroughly enjoyed.

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  14. Mental note #1: Do follow this blog! Mental note #2: Do not read this blog just before going to bed!

    Great story Louise! Really enjoyed it.

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  15. It is great when our writing takes a different turn on a plan, almost as though it has a mind of its own…Much like what happened to this poor girl…
    Very dark indeed and well written!

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  16. She never stood a chance, did she? I wonder how many other atrocities this “marble” has been responsible for, and where it will end up next? Great story, as usual 🙂

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  17. I understand that they have cookies on the dark side…
    Please let me know if they are chocolate chip…
    They won’t be as good as this story though. Well done!

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  22. From a writer who often visits the dark side in my writing, I liked it. Well done and I glad to find another challenge I can follow or participate in myself. Thank you for stopping by the Cow Pasture and I’m thrilled you liked it enough to jump the fence. Welcome.

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    1. Thank you, Sheila. I’m glad you liked it. It’s good to visit the dark side every once in a while. 🙂 MftS is a good challenge, as is Priceless Joy’s Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers.

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